How does a porcupine masturbate? Very carefully. (And with sporting equipment.)
In honor of Groundhog Day, won’t you please support the Restoration of Marmot Eroticism? Global warming is wreaking havoc on the sex lives of these graceful creatures. With shorter winters comes shorter hibernation periods, causing decreased libidos and shrinking populations. “Even Marmot masturbation is at an all time low,” report advocates. So please spread the word and support groundhog self-gratification. Because Puxatawny Phil without a wank is a spiteful critter who will punish us all with six more week of winter.